Joy

On the eve of the 1 year anniversary of your passing, this is for you, Nan.


I often sit and think about the conversations we never had, all the stories that made up your life, stories I never heard. I wonder about the things you saw, the music you heard, the people you loved.. the tapestry of your life. I wish I knew the way you felt inside where nobody else could see, what hidden secrets, hopes and dreams formed the very foundation of You.

I long to know who you were before I met you, the things that made your heart swell with joy, the things that made you cry yourself to sleep at night. Did you ever gaze in the mirror seeking to find yourself? Did you know with an utmost conviction exactly who you were?

Did you long for something more?

Were you anything like me?

I think about how I took your presence for granted . You were always there, with a mischievous smile and a wicked laugh. I remember listening to the sound of your voice as you sang your favourite songs. You were so beautiful.
You had a fierce strength that I admired. A sense of humour that I shared. You were so open and compassionate, so full of joy.

I miss you every day.

Before you left, I wanted to tell you how much you mean to me, I wanted to tell you how much I love you but the full depth of my feelings could not be conveyed by mere words and you wouldn’t have heard me anyway.. though I like to think that maybe, just maybe, deep down, you might have. From my soul to yours.

I don’t know what it’s like where you are, I don’t know if ‘you’ are really anywhere but I hope that one day we will sit together again, and I will have the courage to take your hand in mine and tell you everything I never said when you were here. I hope you will fill my heart with your stories, with your laughter and joy and that you will know how deeply you were loved.

The Artist

I wanted to make something beautiful
To feel the colours on my skin
I wanted to breathe in the purity
And shatter what was frozen within
I needed to write words of beauty
To describe the look on your face
I needed to paint you in colour
Each brushstroke a feathery trace
I longed to create you in moments
Each second ticking by, an age
I longed to hold you forever
But your spirit I would not cage

Sorrow

My lips trembled as I
Whispered your name,
Emotions betrayed
In an instant,
Salty tears sprang
From fading eyes,
As shoulders shook
Under the weight
Of sorrow

Within This Kiss

The world exploded around me
A kaleidoscope of emotions
Broke over me like waves
Challenging a remote shore

Within this kiss
Lay a thousand unspoken
Promises of love
Of Sunday mornings in bed

A lifetime of held hands
And forehead kisses
Among flashing eyes
And lips that know every curve

I shattered in moments
Stitched together with
Careless words and tongues
That scraped like sandpaper

Weary

The ache in my soul
Makes me weary
I droop like flowers
With their stems cut

The sun fades into nothingness
And I feel myself fade with it
There is no life without you
No light to guide the way

There is only this darkness
This emptiness
As I break myself
Against the void

Forever

“Where shall we go today?”
He held out his hand, eyes bright as a curious smile played around his mouth. She took his hand and stepped in close, resting her head on his chest, she closed her eyes and inhaled the comforting yet exhilarating scent of him.
“To forever”, she whispered.
Mist swirled around them like a cloak, for an endless moment the world disappeared and it was just the two of them wrapped in mist like smoke, suddenly there was a rush of wind and sound as the mist evaporated and before them stretched a beach, with golden sand and sparkling blue waves.
They stepped forward onto the sand, hand in hand they ran down to the water. Their delighted laughter rang through the air as they splashed along the shoreline. She ran to him with a squeal as he caught her and swung her up in his arms. Wrapping one arm around his neck and placing her other hand on his face, she looked into his eyes. They were sparkling with joy and love. He kissed her, feather soft at first, then deepening into a hungry passion. She returned his kiss with all the passion of her soul.

He eased her down gently near the shore line so that when the little waves broke the cool water tickled their toes. With quiet giggles they lay back on the warm sand and closed their eyes. A gentle sun caressed their faces and turned their blind vision red.
He stretched his arm out for her and she snuggled up, tucking herself into him. She smiled when he leaned in to kiss her. Lips soft and open, a deep kiss that made her soul quiver as they melted into each other..
They lie like that, embracing, kissing in the golden glow of the sun, with the languid waves caressing their toes and melted as one, on the shore of a distant forever….

You

I felt peace in the circle of your arms
With the light from your eyes on my face
I knew my name by the shape it formed on your lips
And every breathe I took smelled of you